Operation Big Butt – Day 3: The First Workout
11:45 p.m.
Today was momentous. Today, I actually got dressed and went to the gym. LA Fitness to be exact.
I’ve been paying for my membership at LA Fitness for over four years. I’ve probably been one other time this year, and I think that was because I needed to use the bathroom.
Anyway, when I stepped up to the front counter and showed my ID today, the receptionist was rude enough to blow the dust off of it right in front of me. Beyotch. She scanned it, and I snatched it and walked off.
Then, as always on my first visit to the gym in a while, I made a beeline for the treadmills. Funny – a full three days after Thanksgiving, and the place was almost empty. Since I had my choice of treadmills, I stepped up to one right next to a guy that looked like he was running about 70 miles an hour. I firmly believe that gyms plant guys like this in the treadmill area everyday to make the rest of us look like slack-asses. I swear to god, I wanted to hit the emergency stop button on that guy’s machine, watch him fly over the handle bars, off the safety railing (we were on the second floor) and down to the ground below, so I could lumber down the steps (out of breath of course) to stand over him and screech through clinched teeth, ”Not so fast now, are you pal?”
But I digress. After deciding that doing a proper workout setup on the treadmill’s fancy digital interface would take far too much effort, I hit the “Quick Start” button, and the machine took off at a blazing 1.0 MPH, at zero incline. I entered my weight and started to walk, but I was still able to get a pretty good look at what Speedy Gonzales was doing. I could actually feel the wind coming off of his legs, which was a good thing, since after 30 seconds of walking 1 MPH and waving my arms, I had already broken into a sweat.
Okay – but I did 25 minutes on the thing, alternating between 2.5 to 3.0 miles per hour, until cooldown, during which I spent 5 minutes or so stumbling at about 1.5 miles per hour. But - I knocked down 172 calories and walked 1.05 miles. Hooray for me!
I was so proud of myself that I decided to do an impromptu weight training routine. Again, the place was empty, so I had my choice of all the fancy machines that I had never quite learned to use, and I immediately headed for a machine that would help with my arms and shoulders. I set the weight at 35 lbs (seemed like a good idea at the time), and proceeded to pop off three sets of 10 reps each. Suffice it to say, it took twenty minutes for the muscles in my arms to unlock – I had to wait until I could bend them again before I could reach for the ignition, put the key in, turn it, and drive home. All in all, a pretty successful workout.
But I won’t have to go it alone for long. Tomorrow, I visit a personal trainer who thinks she can help me. Today’s workout was so that when she asks me when the last time I worked out was, I can honestly say “oh, just yesterday”. Very smugly.
BTW – I didn’t have the worst day nutritionally – I had my normal Bran Flakes for breakfast, ate chicken nuggets and a salad from Wendy’s and washed it down with a light lemonade for lunch, and a Ham sandwich (with potato salad) for dinner. The cries of my mother’s Red Velvet cake went unheeded. For a second straight day.
(PLEASE NOTE: The potato salad admission illustrates my desire to provide full disclosure. Potato salad is a no-no for me. Anything with carbs in it is. Sigh.)
Also, still no weigh-in. I couldn’t get up the nerve today either, but for sure I’ll be tackled and forced to get on one of those sucky doctor’s scales tomorrow. Oy.
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